With 2024 Barkley Marathons When All Plans Fail...


Hello, my name is Damian and I have a running problem. Namely, a long distances in lumpy places running problem. Probably because I have a just-won’t-die midlife crisis and low self-worth. But, I also just love running. It started 12 years ago, when I ran the Bath Half Marathon on a whim and instantly knew I needed more Jelly Babies and DOMS UTMB a few times, the marathon the next year dressed as a toilet (yes, I did look a bit flushed). And soon after, I discovered people ran up and down hills on trails and fells and some even ran further than 26.2 miles. I loved that even more than being dressed as a toilet (which was a bit crap, tbh).

I got a tad carried away over the next few years. I ran the 105-mile in my life. I ran my first (UTMB) a few times, the Spine Race, the Dragon’s Back Race, and got selected for the GB Trail Running team. I still don’t quite understand how all that happened. I guess if I get into something, I really get into it.

The secret to ultramarathon running is that if you just keep things easy, and keep stuffing cake in the cakehole, you can go on, almost indefinitely. Twelve years later I’m still really into experimenting with running long distances in lumpy places – bimbles, if you will. Recently that took me to Frozen Head State Park, Tennessee, and the Barkley Marathons.

It’s a bit different, this ‘marathon’. Instead of having a heaving expo, noisy crowds and a garish free T-shirt at the end, here 40 people aim to run five 26-mile loops in the woods, ripping pages from books to prove they've followed the unmarked route after a man in a hat (Lazarus Lake) lights a cigarette. Despite a generous-sounding 60-hour cutoff, since 1986 only 15 people had completed Barkley, partly because there’s approximately 13,000ft of vert per loop.

The event sounded so deliciously impossible, I found myself powerlessly drawn toward it. Because who doesn’t love glorious failure?

I stuck with my good friend-foe, local man and previous Barkley finisher John Kelly, for the first loop, to learn all I could. The terrain looked the same in almost every direction: steep, brown, woods – but more beautiful than that sounds. The books had titles such as What you need to know about the Barkley Marathons and When I was struggling, I would think of Amy.

Like an annoying gnat, I stuck with John for the second loop, too, which was anti-clockwise and in the dark. And the third loop, which was anti-clockwise, but in the daylight. I was getting kinda seasick and it was the fourth loop where things started to get eventful.

The second night is usually when the Madness begins. We tried power naps, but they failed. We/I got a bit lost sometimes. I asked another runner to turn his radio off (we’re not allowed electronic devices). It was increasingly confusing and I was suddenly on my own. But I finished the fourth loop with minimal hallucinations.

Twelve hours lay between me and history. But I’d had no sleep. That first book on my anti-clockwise loop five had been easy coming clockwise, but now it was... AWOL. You must understand. I wasn’t topographically embarrassed. The book was! I heard people talking. But there was no one there. And no book.

I couldn’t go on without a page. So I returned to camp to see my great friend and The Green Runners co-founder, the incredible Jasmin Paris, record the furthest ever run by a female at Barkley, and later, three more finishers, including John.

The Barkley is a Kafka-esque hell. But it’s my kind of hell. When I say hell, I mean a deliberately confusingly outdoor library. It was all So Much More Fun than that all probably sounds.

My running problem may have become a Barkley problem. If Laz lets me in again, I’ll need to sharpen my nav skills, sleep-depravation management and perhaps turn over a new leaf and train as a librarian.

What you need to know about the Barkley Marathons Inov-8-Damian Hall: Barkley Marathons Q&A We Can’t Run Away From This and When I was struggling, I would think of Amy, When I was struggling, I would think of Amy: thegreenrunners.com