The stakes were high—higher than ever before. As high as they could get, really. A spot on the Olympic team was on the line. It was the night before the 2016 Olympic Trials in Los Angeles, and elite athletes were everywhere. Nerves were humming, and adrenaline was already pumping with a palpable tension in the air. A voice inside me was quiet but insistent:
“Look at them. They’ve beat you before. They’ve been on the podium. And then there’s you.”
[Races & Places Sales & Deals.]
I went back to my hotel room, knowing that the country’s best athletes were spending the night under the same roof. I sat down on my bed and pulled a small, battered notebook from my bag. I had scrawled “Confidence Journal” across the cover. I smiled and thought, “You bet there's me.”
I ran against the best from my country, and I didn’t make the team. I wasn’t going to Rio. I was just one minute and five seconds shy of my third Olympic appearance. I came in fourth, but only the top three made the team. After running at a pace of 5:44 per mile, for 26.2 miles, it wasn’t enough.
That night I went back to my room, exhausted and heartbroken. I tugged my confidence journal from the nightstand and opened it to a new page. “I didn’t make the cut. But I made darn sure the top three earned it.”
What Is a Confidence Journal?
About a year earlier, my sport psychologist, Dr. Stephen Walker, suggested that I start a confidence journal. I was preparing for the 2016 Olympic Trials after having represented the United States in Beijing in 2008 and London in 2012. I certainly wasn't new to competitive running, and yet, I was realizing anew the importance of being physically and mentally prepared.
Running is a head game. When you’re running, there are two options: let your mind wander or focus. To compete, you must focus. Every step, breath, and muscle movement matters for 26.2 miles. When your body is being pushed to the max, it’s easy to let your mind go to a dark place, and tell you all kinds of things: “Everyone here is better than me. I’m not ready for this. My knee hurts. Something is off.”
Related: Smash your goals with a , designed for any speed and any distance.
The thing is, there are a million reasons why you can’t achieve your goals. All it takes is focus and determination to find the reason you can. For me, this is where the confidence journal started. With Dr. Walker’s guidance, I began what was to become a powerful and important part of my daily training. Each day, I jotted down notes to myself about my workouts, but this was different from my training log. Rather, my confidence journal was focused purely on the positive, with the goal of building confidence.
My training log allows me to record my workouts. (I recommend the Believe Training Journal by my friends Lauren Fleshman and Roisin McGettigan-Dumas.) My confidence journal has a different purpose. At the end of each day, I reflect on my workout and look for something positive. I make sure that my entry is descriptive and precise so that I can read it months later and recall that workout. Some days, it comes easy. At other times, it’s much more difficult to focus on the positive, but I can always find one good thing.
The Benefits of a Confidence Journal
I have struggled with confidence throughout my running career. It may not be true for everyone, but I suspect it is, to one degree or another. For me, the night before a race has always been difficult. “Am I ready? Have I done enough? Did I do all the work I needed to do?” My mind would dwell on these questions.
Now, reviewing my confidence journal is part of my pre-race routine. I will actually flip through my journal to see all the times where I had great workouts and the times where I struggled. It’s a way to put it all out there on the table and realize how much work I’ve done, how I have prepared, and how I deserve to be competing. Even when times were hard, I still pushed through. If tomorrow’s race is hard, I know I have what it takes to succeed. This practice has been so important to me, and I am excited to share it with you.
I have explained how my confidence journal has influenced me as an athlete, but I think we can all benefit from a confidence journal—even outside of running. We all have our own private struggles, whether in our careers or relationships. We question all kinds of things, asking ourselves, “Am I doing it right? Have I prepared enough? What if I’m not ready? What if I’m making a mistake?” Doubt can creep into our thoughts, no matter how successful we are. What would happen if we took the time each day to quietly celebrate our accomplishments and focus on the positive? There are so many examples—in my marriage, or as a mother—where I would love to jot down something and later go back and be able to say, “Yeah. I did this right.”
How to Begin Your Confidence Journal
It’s one thing to just say, “You should try keeping a confidence journal!” However, I realize it can be very intimidating to open a notebook and stare at a blank page. When I first envisioned my book, Strong: A Runner's Guide to Boosting Confidence and Becoming the Best Version of You, I imagined that I would write a brief introduction followed by some blank journal pages.
As I reflected, however, I realized that although my own confidence journal is indeed part of my daily routine, my understanding of authentic confidence took time to develop, and I had a lot of help along the way. I realized that the book presents an opportunity to share much more about confidence: to guide you to explore why you might struggle with confidence in the first place; to learn about techniques for building confidence; and to hear a variety of perspectives from other female athletes and influencers—not just me. The final pages provide prompts for reflection, and encourage you to begin your own confidence journal practice. It's a framework of strategies to build and strengthen your confidence in a way that is personal and true to you.
Beginning to build confidence is really about asking yourself the right questions. “What did I fight through today that I didn’t think I could?” Or, “What did I feel great about today? Did this surprise me?” Or perhaps, “What was the best part of today? What was the worst part, and how did I get through it?” Over time, you’ll start to see that you’re so much stronger than you think you are.
To say I'm grateful for running is an understatement. Running has been a source of deep joy, a means of self-discovery, a medium through which meaningful relationships have been built, and of course, running is my career. I am proud of all that I have accomplished, and I'm proud to still have goals that I'm working toward.
However, in recent years I have devoted more and more passion and energy to my retreats. It fills me with joy to encourage women to come together, to build a community focused on the positivity and beauty in running, and committed to helping each other to become our best selves—as runners and as women. My hope is that Strong is a guide to becoming your best, most confident self as a runner, and in all facets of your life. I wish you all the best in your journey.
The 8-Week Beginners Program Strong: A Runner's Guide to Boosting Confidence and Becoming the Best Version of You, by Kara Goucher (Blue Star Press, 2018). The book teaches techniques to build confidence, offers perspectives from other female athletes and influencers, and provides an opportunity for you to start your own confidence journal.
