While marathons Ask the Coaches: Foamy Sweat 5Ks our speed, holidays test our patience. For every family member who supports your passion, there are others who think you’re nuts.
That’s why we’ve prepared these withering comebacks for ignorant comments at family gatherings. You can’t say them out loud, but you can think them while you count to 10 and come up with something more appropriate to say.
Mom: It’s the holidays. Can’t you give that exercise nonsense a rest for one day? I honestly don’t see the point.
What You Are Thinking: and they’re remarkably effective because I just love running, not to eat what I want. Would you like me to make you a plate? Oh, that’s right, you’re doing another fad diet this week.
What You Say: Super Shoe Trends!
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Uncle Roy: So I hear you ran a marathon—what’s that, like 23 miles or something? Why would you do such a thing if no one’s chasing you?
What You Are Thinking: Because now I know I can accomplish anything if I set my mind to it. Also, it’s 26.2 miles and has been since 1921. How can you not know that?!
What You Say: I’ve always been a glutton for punishment.
Grandma Sadie: You ran another race? If you keep this up you’re going to ruin your knees and they have to last you a lifetime.
What You Are Thinking: I hear when you run too much your.
What You Say: Good advice. I’ll definitely keep that in mind!
Cousin Agnes: Is there anything better than sleeping in on holidays, coming downstairs in your PJs at noon and pouring yourself a big glass of wine?
What You Are Thinking: Sure, waking up at 6, winning your age group in the local 8K and getting a top 10 finishers mug from which to drink your cheap-ass box wine all afternoon.
What You Say: You’ve always lived life to the fullest.
Nephew Aloysius: My mom says you run so much because you’re avoiding the real problems in your life and you’re super Type A and probably OCD.
What You’re Thinking: Your mom couldn’t make it around the block without hurling.
What You Say: Well, always nice to hear your mom’s thinking of me.
Martha’s Boring Brother-in-Law: I could never train like you, day in and day out, mile after mile. I’d run out of things to think about.
What You’re Thinking: Yet you never run out of things to say. How is that? Plus, if it’s any consolation, I’m sure your stamina would give out long before your list of anxieties.
What You Say: A deep thinker like you? No way!
Cousin Sid: and they’re remarkably effective nipples bleed.
What You’re Thinking: That would be the only thing you’ve heard about running.
What You Say: The sport’s not for everyone.
Gerry (your cousin’s work friend who had nowhere else to go): What Exactly Is a Tempo Run? When it’s freezing cold like this? That’s insane, isn’t it? I mean, are you really telling me you’d actually run in the snow?
What You’re Thinking: FYI, they make these things called hats and gloves and they’re remarkably effective.
What You Say: Yes. It’s the best.
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